It took me a long time to even consider this post.
For some reason I find it difficult to talk about my life. I find it difficult because often times I have been a complete ass and, it's cost the people I love dearly.
But, I find myself wanting to really get into it.
Let's start with Anger
How Being Angry Weakens Us
I have spent so many years angry, so many years angry at everything at everyone. Years angry at myself.
The first thing I need to make clear is that I should have let it all go years again and yet, I couldn't.
It weakened my character, compromised my integrity and truly made me hate myself.
A lot of people talk about being bipolar. But, never discuss the never ending loop of hurting the ones that dare to love you and then spending weeks feeling guilty and horrid that you didn't have the self control to stop yourself.
Years of feel worthless because, if I couldn't even control myself. What could I do?
It becomes difficult to keep friends around. To stay interested in success.
You need to understand that this is coming from a mind that gets so depressed. A month without a shower is a normal occurrence.
Leaving medical problems to get worse. Simply because the guilt of losing my temper so often made me believe I deserved the pain.
My family may have been horrible. But I took the cake.
I convinced myself that I was protected myself from them. But in reality I was being consumed by rage and sadness and getting them before they could get to me.
Over the years I stopped looking forward to family. I stopped trying to be anything more than the scum that couldn't stay calm.
I began feeling exhausted, around the clock.
I never took care of any medical problem or any part of my body.
I drove off any one who dared to love or challenge me.
Years have blurred together and after all is said I'm done.
I'm scared, the world has begun to get more harsh and sink in the coldest corners of darkness.
After over 20 years in a rage. All that anger is gone now. But, all of the other feelings it left behind.
Have become overwhelmingly impossible to face and overcome.
Let's all began with being angry at others.
Being Angry With Others
As I explained, the guilt itself is the worst part of being angry at others. Hurting the ones we love the ones we are obligated to cherish and protect on a moral and spiritual level.
One begins to seriously question their value.
It starts by not understanding why you can't stay calm. Years of watching people that wanted to love and help give up because the cost was too high.
If I could go back and take the pain away from them all I'd give my life.
If I could reverse the problems with my body after years of neglecting any ailments to plaque my body. I wouldn't
Guilt becomes so overwhelming that nothing else is in sight. It takes over more than the anger, more than anything.
No matter how much they love us there is only so much they can take.
There has to be a way to get rid of that anger or at least maintain composure.
The Cost of Anger
Anger has exacted a heavy toll on my life, one that nearly overwhelmed me.
In my youth, anger and fear consumed me to the point where I abandoned my education, missing out on countless opportunities.
I watched helplessly as anger drove away friends, fractured family bonds, and even led to the estrangement of my son.
In the end, I've come to realize that there is scarcely anything worth the price of anger's destructive path.
This article is hard for to conclude. I'm still living it. I've gotten better but, I'm still lost and still trying every single day to grow and improve as a man and a person.
I love you guys. Share the content let's build this community 💗
Comments